what's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?

einstein's cock!

"maybe that's all family really is...a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place (home)" -Garden State

"the main use of pornography is for masturbation. everybody knows that. those who report on, go on about, and legislate against pornography never talk about masturbation...They never acknowledge that most people use pornography to enhance their masturbation fantasies. a lot of the fuel for anti-pornography crusades comes from anxiety and awkwardness about admitting that people masturbate." -Leonore Tiefer

That is so fucking awesome. I remember hearing porn condemned by preachers from the pulpits at a very young age, yet I had no idea what masturbation was until I was probably 14 or 15 and had been doing it for years by that point.

"Apparently, men masturbate most frequently during periods when they aren't having enough partner-sex, or none at all, while the more partner-sex a woman is having, the more likely she is to masturbate. Why?" -Joani Blank

I find this fascinating and have seen similiar behaviours in all relationships I've had.

I also love all of the religious/"Biblical" reasons not to masturbate. "God said not to do it" is my favourite one cuz I've sure as hell never seen so. The Bible, as the handbook for all of "Christianity", condemns very specifically "sexual sin", and goes so far as to describe certain behaviours (anal sex) yet never once in 66 books mentions touching one's genitals. Seems too much of something to just overlook or forget to include.

My next favourite objection to masturbation is "We're not meant to experience pleasure solo." What the fuck is eating (c'mon, face it, we Americans don't eat what we do for nourishment; we eat the foods we do for the taste, or "pleasure", if you will), getting massages, taking warm baths, playing tennis, going to concerts, etc? Aren't hobbies for pleasure? Again, an objection that's just silly, lol.

And these are my thoughts on masturbation. More to come, I'm sure.

Hahaha. Pun totally wasn't intended.

for what would you be willing to give up sex?

money?
career?
threat of death?
fame?
the "perfect" body?
the "perfect" life?

"I took one last look from the hearts that I once loved, and then I ran like hell."

Fuck, I wish I could do that.

In other news, Rise Against was absolutely orgasmic at Red Rocks. It was by far the best show I've ever seen. However, they have *yet another* new guitarist. I miss Chris. He was awesome. They had a string trio for some of the songs, as well, which was so unbelievable. If I can ever have the attention span to do the picture thing on here, I'll upload the pics I took at the show.

O.r.g.a.s.m.i.c.

RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!
RISE AGAINST!!!

at Red Rocks tonight.

OMG.

i wish i had amnesia

if what so many of us strive for is originality, why is it that all we are is a combination and/or result of other people who we've encountered in some fashion?

had a bad day, don't talk to me, gonna ride this out. my little black heart breaks apart with your big mouth. i'm sick of my sickness; don't touch me, you'll get this.

went to the doctor and i asked her to make this stop. got medication, a new addiction. fuckin' thanks a lot.

a little boy about 10 years old was walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. he came up to the doorstep of a whorehouse and knocked on the door. when the madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

he said "i want to have sex with one of the women inside. i have the money to buy it, and i'm not leaving until i get it". the madam figured "why not?" so she told him to come in. once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. he asked "do any of the girls have any diseases?" of course, the madam said "no!" he said, "i heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with amber. THAT'S the girl i want."

since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the madam told him to go to the first room on the right. he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

ten minutes later, he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the madam and headed out the door. the madam stopped him and asked, "why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

he said, "well, if you must know, tonight when i get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with the baby sitter. after they leave, my baby sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. she will then get the disease that i just caught.

when mom and dad get back, dad will take the baby sitter home. on the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. then when dad gets home from the baby sitter's, he and mom will go to bed and have sex, and mom will catch it.

in the morning when dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with mom and catch the disease and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

"wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?"

i dunno, at least with divorce, the ex-spouse is still alive, thus there is still a shred of hope. once dead, nope.

frank goes out of town tomorrow. he'll be in san fran til friday night.

five days with no husband. five days with no water on the mirror. five days with an entire bed to myself (well, except the bed hog of a dog). five days where i can listen to the fucking backstreet boys if i want;)

i'm going to pueblo on wednesday to see shawnie and tanya. i'm planning on sleeping on shawnie's floor while i'm there. he's the only guy frank trusts to allow to sleep in the same room as his wife alone, hahahaha (and he's the only one i trust too:))

i'm gonna get my hair cut for the first time in over a year (tanya's the only one i trust near my hair with scissors after spending a year growing it out). shawnie and i are gonna go see the new harry potter movie. and i'm gonna eat so much adolfo's, it's not even funny. (notice a "trust" trend with my friends in pueblo? lol)

i'm so looking forward to this.

and then at the airport when i go and pick him up. airport pickups after being away from him for a long time are my FAVOURITE:) nothing like a little time apart sometimes.

i'm a headcase if i don't keep moving

and my head hurts if i don't sit still.

i've officially decided something.

i want to travel. i want to see the world.

frank. me. my camera.

this might be the sleep deprivation, it might be that i think my blood-alcohol level is probably still considerable (and my pasta isn't quite done cooking yet).....but i have this burning desire to see the ocean, to look fucking hot in my superman trunks on a gorgeous white beach far away from castle rock and reality.

reality.

i need a new reality.

this one blows.

somehow we ended up with free drinks tonight (locally) and i ended up with a job offer....."cute as a button" lol. the bartender and the owner both loved me so we'll see how it goes.

i love drunk sarah. we all do. it's a wonderful thing:-) it should happen more often. i miss this.

"Autofellatio is an important aspect of many Canadian citizens sex lives. Unfortunately, many are unaware of the risks and dangers involved. In 2006 alone, over 300 men and women were hospitalized with neck-related injuries and of that, 11 of these injuries proved to be fatal." i love facebook.


fuck, what an obit....

"john doe, age 21, dies from autofellatio-related neck injury."

i have 12th-row, reserved seats for rise against at red rocks in september.

breaking benjamin, with red, three days grace and puddle of mudd is on the agenda for thursday night this week. tanya will be up from p-town for the show and we will be able to celebrate our 21st birthdays!!!! (she's 4 days younger than i am).

not sure if we're gonna do warped tour this year. i just can't bring myself to go out into 100 degree weather without any shade to see bands that i've already seen in much more comfortable conditions. still, it's an experience and one that i wouldn't mind having, if only to be able to say that i've done it.

i got a new camera with my birthday money and have decided it is the coolest thing ever. if i can ever figure out how to post them on here, i will do so:-)

p.s. i am now 21!!!!!!!!!!

my dog disappeared today. we searched for like 4 hours, filed reports with the shelter and animal hospital and put up fliers everywhere.

then we decided to go to parker days and wait for a phone call about popeye.

i spent two hours in a truck with my future sis-in-law while she was puking because she slammed WAY too much alcohol on the drive to parker....this is while everyone else is at parker days, eating, drinking and having fun. i got high instead. still not very much fun sitting there watching someone puke.

a girl from our apartment complex called to say she had popeye. frank left parker to go get the dog:-) then his radiator "blew up." we had to have his car towed. we had to find a ride home then, too. frank's friend, dan, drove out from highlands ranch to give us a ride.

the following conversation went on between frank and dan:

dan: yeah, i was drunk when you called.
frank: dude, i asked you when i called if you were sober and you said "yes"!!!!
dan: yeah....that was the alcohol talking.

then we went to ihop to "get some fuckin' breakfast!" that was terrific. the car ride home with dan and breakfast with dan made up for the whole rest of the day/night being so shitty.

my baby rat, mowski kowski, died on wednesday night, right after we got home from church. it was horrible watching him die; i've never seen anything die.

so yesterday, frank took me to get two mice to replace mowski. on the way home, one of them got out in my fucking car and it took forever to get her and then she ran into the parking lot. frank finally found her, got her inside, and as he was putting her in the cage, the other one bit him.

i took those two back today.

and i got another rat. her name is mike wazowski. :-)


favourite line of the night-

kassie: dude, it PULLS TO THE LEFT! (holding a balloon sword that frank made).

no one else got it, but it didn't matter. hahahaha.

this weekend was a blast.

-spent the weekend blazed.

-got two girls to smoke who had "given it up"

-ate at "bubba gump's" and had the most delicious mud pie dessert

-played drunken card games with kassie all night saturday, in between smoking and drinking

-for some reason, every girl up there decided to tell me "something no one else knows"

-i saw one of our best friends' girlfriend's boobs cuz she was so smashed she came out of the bedroom topless and tried to pee in the closet. then our room. then the closet. then finally the bathroom.

-ate french fries and a brownie hot fudge sundae for breakfast yesterday:-)

it was awesome. i haven't had a weekend like that since i left college. it was SOOOO awesomely amazing. i miss weekends like that.

i think i wanna look into growing my own weed. it'd cut down on the middle man shit. :-D